Placing the high expectations of a parent and overwhelming pressure on young children only leads to stress for all involved. A parent's vision is often unrealistic and painful for a child.
"All children know what they need and are asking us to give it to them. If we just pay attention, they will help and guide us," says Jackie Dryden, "If you learn to ask the right questions, you can get a wealth of information."
Most parents have high hopes for their children. These unrealistic hopes often lead to stress and the fear of failure for their children. Children want only to please their parents, striving above and beyond their talents just for their parent's praise.
It is important for us to listen to our children, and find out what they want for their future. How do we get them to listen to us?
The answer is not what you would normally think. Turn down the volume. It is natural to raise your voice to be heard, but it is more effective to speak quietly.
Whispering trains children to listen. They will pay more attention when they have to stop and concentrate on what is being said. Speaking quietly gives children a chance to actually hear the words being said, rather than ignore the shouting directed at them. It also works in the workplace, or with your spouse. When you whisper, people around you have to stop and pay attention. It's an amazing tool for great communication.
Another tip is to be in the moment. Sometimes we are so focused on planning what's next that we forget to pay attention to what is going on now. Spend time with your children, get to know what is going on in their lives now.
Talk about their interests and dreams. Do not push your expectations on them, but listen to what interests them. Explain that you will always be proud of them. Realize that your dreams are not their dreams.
Children love being with their families. They prefer to do things with their families rather than go on expensive trips. A movie night at home, talking and laughing is a favorite activity for all children. In other words, the little moments count. These casual, relaxing times give families a way to communicate and get to know each other. Don't be a stranger to your children.
Of course there are times when we cannot give as much attention to our children as we would like to. When you are just too busy to listen to your children, take a breath, think of something pleasant, and let your children know you'll get back to them. Tell yourself that you have one hour to get back to them, and listen to what they need to tell you.
Each and every day, talk to your children, ask them how things are going, and be involved in their dreams. Choose a quiet time, use a quiet voice, and give your children your undivided attention. Through your example, your children will realize the best time to talk is during the quiet times.
Communication is the best way to prevent stress, conflict and frustration for both you and your children. Understanding your children's hopes and interests will lead to positive and happy relationships with your family.
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